MHT

This starts sounding a little sad, but don’t be deceived; it isn’t.

Since my mother died, I haven’t been very creative.  I never really started any new projects and kept with them.  All my writing fell flat and discordant.  Going through a bit more than a year of technical school offered me an outlet so my brain didn’t atrophy and the everyday exposure to something completely new to me kept me alive, if out of my comfort zone.

Then I got a job back in KC and took this as a sign to move back.  At first, being in a new job (where I had no idea actually what my job really was) was exciting, especially since I was working with motorcycles.  I hoped to get out of the warranty part of it and be a mechanic for the most part.  However, three months into work I discovered the dealership’s service department was the most dysfunctional and harrowing place I have ever worked.

Because it is so dramatic, I began to obsess over it; I began to let it creep into my life.  I never even noticed that it had taken over, until Rene went back to California last Tuesday.  Then, after a month of not thinking about it at home, it started creeping back in again.

I think this comes because I am completely idle when I get out of work.  I may talk to Rene, but that is about it.  I don’t write, I don’t draw, I don’t create.  I don’t have ideas to interact with.  Instead, my mind is free to play over the day’s abuse; what I did and what I should have done, but didn’t.

I am discovering that killing off my idle time by writing, planning, and interacting with people (mostly online, yesh), I’m not thinking about the harassment at work!  Yay!  In fact, the more I do, the happier I am becoming.  I’m getting a lot more life back.  Honestly, I give most of the credit to prayer and the helpful e-mails I get from my dearest friends.

In the future I’m going to spend more time being creative and interacting with people.  It is helping me more than my pride likes to admit.